Act 00 Scene 00

Setting the Stage

30|00|13|12|L|Q|
29|00|13|12|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 01

Long and Fast

10|00|00|12|L|S|This is a really long line. I can`t even see where it starts. 10|00|00|04|L|Q| 09|00|00|16|R|Q| 10|00|00|14|L|Q| 09|00|00|10|R|S|Yeah... Any idea what we`re waiting for? 09|00|00|04|R|Q| 10|00|00|06|L|S|It`s moving pretty fast though. 10|00|00|04|L|Q| 09|00|00|10|R|Q| 10|00|00|10|L|Q| 09|00|00|06|R|S|Is that a good thing? 09|00|00|04|R|Q| 10|00|00|08|L|T|???? 09|00|00|08|R|T|??????

Act 01 Scene 04

Jealous Lover

04|00|08|12|L|S|Oh no. Oh no!
What did he do! 03|00|07|12|R|Q| 04|00|14|08|L|Q| 03|00|08|08|R|S|Where the
heck are we? 04|00|14|14|L|S|We got caught.
And we paid the price. 03|00|08|14|R|Q| 04|00|14|09|L|Q| 03|00|09|09|R|S|Caught?
What price? 04|00|09|12|L|S|The jealous bastard lost his temper. 03|00|07|12|R|Q| 04|00|07|06|L|Q| 03|00|08|06|R|S|You mean,
we`re...? 04|00|07|14|L|S|Oh God! Oh God!
Was it worth it? 03|00|08|14|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|L|Q| 03|00|07|04|R|S|Uhhh...
Well... 04|00|14|10|L|T|!!!! 03|00|07|10|R|T|???? 04|00|13|04|L|Q| 03|00|00|04|R|Q| 04|00|07|02|L|Q| 03|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 01 Scene 06

Selfish Love

12|00|00|34|R|S|If someone says
`I love you`,
it should not affect how you feel about them. 13|00|00|22|L|Q| 13|00|00|12|L|T|???? 12|00|00|24|R|S|The statement
`I love you`
is merely a confession of one`s need. 13|00|00|24|L|Q| 12|00|00|30|R|S|It is a request for assistance.
A cry for help.
A demand to have oneself made complete. 13|00|00|30|L|Q| 12|00|00|12|R|Q| 13|00|00|12|L|S|There is nothing wrong in wanting to be loved. 12|00|00|12|R|S|No more than there is in wanting a sandwich. 13|00|00|12|L|Q| 12|00|00|30|R|S|Only God can love selflessly.
Human love can only be
selfishly motivated. 13|00|00|30|L|Q|

Act 01 Scene 99

Intermission 1

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 05

Million Sneezes

15|00|00|06|R|S|Here`s one for you. 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|00|10|L|Q| 11|00|00|10|L|Q| 15|00|00|30|R|S|If there are 7 billion people in the world, and the average person sneezes once per day... 15|00|00|04|R|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|T|???? 11|00|00|34|L|Q| 15|00|00|24|R|S|That means that every second, over eighty thousand people sneeze. 15|00|00|10|R|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|Q| 16|00|00|17|L|T|!!!! 11|00|00|34|L|Q| 15|00|00|08|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|S|Nobody in this line is sneezing. 11|00|00|08|L|Q| 15|00|00|16|R|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|Q| 11|00|00|06|L|Q| 11|00|00|04|L|S|Ah choo! 11|00|00|06|L|Q| 15|00|00|10|R|Q| 16|00|14|04|L|S|Very funny! 16|00|14|06|L|Q| 15|00|00|08|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|Q| 15|00|00|14|R|Q| 16|00|00|14|L|S|The average person flushes the toilet several times a day! 15|00|00|26|R|S|And if it takes ten seconds for a toilet to flush, at four flushes per day... 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|32|L|Q| 15|00|00|26|R|S|That means that at any given moment, over three million toilets are flushing. 15|00|00|06|R|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|Q| 16|00|00|16|L|T|!!!! 15|00|00|16|R|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|Q| 16|00|00|08|L|S|I think I can hear them.

Act 02 Scene 07

Planting Seed

09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|S|Do you think God will be hard on homosexuals? 08|00|00|04|R|Q| 09|00|00|04|L|S|Not really. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|Q| 09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|S|It`s an abomination! That`s what He said. 08|00|00|04|R|Q| 09|00|00|18|L|S|God`s all about procreation.
`Be fruitful and multiply.`
And all that. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|22|R|Q| 09|00|00|06|L|Q| 08|00|00|04|R|S|Yeah? 08|00|00|02|R|Q| 09|00|00|24|L|S|He doesn`t want us to waste it.
You know,
``Better to plant it in the belly of a whore than to spill it on the ground.`` 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|28|R|Q| 09|00|00|06|L|Q| 08|00|00|04|R|S|So? 08|00|00|02|R|Q| 09|00|00|20|L|S|He`s just a little miffed that the gays aren`t putting it where it can grow. That`s all. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|24|R|Q| 09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|10|R|S|Then that would be true for all forms of sodomy, including oral. 08|00|00|02|R|Q| 09|00|00|04|L|S|True enough. 09|00|00|02|L|Q| 08|00|00|06|R|Q| 09|00|00|08|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|Q| 09|00|00|24|L|S|It also means that if wasting semen is a sin,
then the gays are sinning,
but the lesbians are not. 09|00|00|04|L|Q| 08|00|00|28|R|Q| 09|00|00|08|L|Q| 08|00|00|08|R|Q| 09|00|00|12|L|Q| 08|00|00|10|R|S|No seed wasted there I guess. 08|00|00|02|R|Q|

Act 02 Scene 08

Year of our Lord

25|00|00|24|R|S|So if you reject God, and you refuse to celebrate Christmas, how do you keep time? 25|00|00|04|R|Q| 26|00|00|28|L|Q| 25|00|00|06|R|Q| 26|00|00|06|L|S|What? 25|00|00|30|R|S|I mean,
our whole calendar
is based on the
Year of our Lord.
You can`t subscribe
to that, can you? 25|00|00|04|R|Q| 26|00|00|34|L|Q| 25|00|00|06|R|Q| 26|00|00|06|L|S|Listen... 25|00|00|38|R|S|I suppose
you base your
calendar on the
carbon-dating
of the Earth.
So...
what`s that
make it?
About year
4 billion? 25|00|00|04|R|Q| 26|00|00|42|L|Q| 25|00|00|06|R|Q| 26|00|00|06|L|S|That`s stupid. 25|00|00|06|R|Q| 26|00|00|06|L|Q| 25|00|00|08|R|S|Must be hard to fit that on checks. 25|00|00|02|R|Q| 26|00|00|10|L|Q| 25|00|00|14|R|Q| 26|00|00|10|L|S|Nah, our bank gives us special checks with a big blank. 26|00|00|04|L|Q| 25|00|00|06|R|Q| 26|00|00|06|L|Q| 25|00|00|36|R|S|March 27th,
in the year
of our planet
4,509,831,672.
Has a nice ring to it. 25|00|00|04|R|Q| 26|00|00|40|L|Q|

Act 02 Scene 99

Intermission 2

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 03

His Own Image

00|DK|00|06|R|S|What`s God look like? 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|08|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|What do you mean? 00|DK|00|22|R|S|What does
God look like?
A train?
A sparrow?
A carrot? 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|26|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|I guess, an old man with a white beard? 00|00|00|06|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Fell for that Michaelangelo crap, ay? 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|00|06|R|T|???? 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|I don`t really know what... 00|DK|00|24|R|S|How you gonna know if you`re talking to God if you don`t know what God looks like? 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|28|R|Q| 00|DK|00|20|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|I guess I just thought it would be obvious. 00|00|00|08|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|S|Obvious? Yeah. 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Ain`t no old man with a beard waiting for you up ahead. 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|00|22|R|Q| 00|DK|00|20|R|S|I`m just gonna let Him deal with you. Then you`ll know what God looks like. 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|00|02|R|S|But... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 04

All Knowledge

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Have you forgiven your trespassers? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|I guess. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|You guess?
Do you know how many
people in Heaven are
holding a grudge
against you? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|Well,
Bob from work is probably still pissed... 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|None!
Zero.
Do you know why? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|Because once your dead there`s nothing you can do about it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Because when you get to Heaven, you understand why. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|00|07|02|R|S|Why what? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Why Mary slapped Bill at the office party.
Why Jenny didn`t... 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Oh yeah!
Bill probably said something stupid and off-color. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|That`s not the point!
The point is you will know
why trespasses happened,
and understand. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So just because I know
why someone hurt me,
is enough for me
to forgive them? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|When you can see the whole picture,
it all makes sense. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|That does make it easier to let it all go. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|Actually,
it was because Bill goosed her at the water cooler. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 05

Democratic Heaven

00|DK|00|08|R|S|Oh,
it`s you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|10|R|Q| 00|DK|00|06|R|Q| 00|00|07|04|R|S|It`s me! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|Uh... Actually...
You have been
voted out. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|Q| 00|00|07|10|R|S|What do you mean,
`Voted out`
??? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|12|R|S|We took a vote.
You didn`t get enough support. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|14|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|You can`t get voted out of Heaven! 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|S|In fact, it turns out, you can. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|16|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|Most of the people in Heaven don`t even know me. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|S|Everybody in Heaven knows you. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|12|R|Q| 00|DK|00|14|R|Q| 00|00|07|12|R|S|So,
insult one,
insult all?
Is that it? 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|22|R|S|Pretty much.
More than just one,
though, wasn`t it? 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|24|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|Q| 00|00|07|14|R|S|I thought as long as you believed in Jesus, you were in. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|That`s just the
story we tell,
so we can see what
you`re really like. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q| 00|00|00|18|R|Q| 00|DK|00|10|R|Q| 00|00|07|08|R|S|Bummer.
Thought I had a free pass. 00|00|00|02|R|Q| 00|DK|00|04|R|Q| 00|ST|07|04|R|Q| 00|DK|00|16|R|S|Just kidding.
You`re golden.
Still an ass, though. 00|DK|00|02|R|Q|

Act 03 Scene 99

Intermission 3

01|00|13|04|R|Q| 02|00|13|04|R|Q| 03|00|13|04|R|Q| 04|00|13|04|R|Q| 05|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|R|Q| 08|00|13|04|R|Q| 09|00|13|04|R|Q| 10|00|13|04|R|Q| 11|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 13|00|13|04|R|Q| 14|00|13|04|R|Q| 15|00|13|04|R|Q| 16|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|R|Q| 19|00|13|04|R|Q| 20|00|13|04|R|Q| 21|00|13|04|R|Q| 22|00|13|04|R|Q| 23|00|13|04|R|Q| 24|00|13|04|R|Q| 25|00|13|04|R|Q| 26|00|13|04|R|Q| 27|00|13|04|R|Q| 28|00|13|04|R|Q| 29|00|13|04|R|Q| 30|00|13|04|R|Q|

Act 04 Scene 01

Is that it?

01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q| 01|00|13|28|R|Q| 02|00|13|28|R|Q| 03|00|13|28|R|Q| 04|00|13|28|R|Q| 05|00|13|28|R|Q| 06|00|13|28|R|Q| 07|00|13|28|R|Q| 08|00|13|28|R|Q| 09|00|13|28|R|Q| 10|00|13|28|R|Q| 11|00|13|28|R|Q| 12|00|13|06|R|S|Hey.
How are you? 12|00|13|04|R|Q| 12|00|13|12|R|S|Oh right.
You`re fine.
I knew that.
Everybody`s fine. 12|00|13|06|R|Q| 13|00|13|06|L|Q| 13|00|13|04|L|S|You know. 13|00|13|12|L|Q| 13|00|13|06|L|Q| 14|00|13|28|R|Q| 15|00|13|28|R|Q| 16|00|13|28|R|Q| 17|00|13|28|R|Q| 18|00|13|28|R|Q| 19|00|13|28|R|Q| 20|00|13|28|R|Q| 21|00|13|28|R|Q| 22|00|13|28|R|Q| 23|00|13|28|R|Q| 24|00|13|28|R|Q| 25|00|13|28|R|Q| 26|00|13|28|R|Q| 27|00|13|28|R|Q| 28|00|13|28|R|Q| 29|00|13|28|R|Q| 30|00|13|28|R|Q| 01|00|13|44|R|Q| 02|00|13|44|R|Q| 03|00|13|44|R|Q| 04|00|13|44|R|Q| 05|00|13|44|R|Q| 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|S|I have two children. 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|12|R|S|They were in the front row at the funeral. 06|00|13|04|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|S|Oh yeah. That`s right.
06|00|13|04|R|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|Q| 07|00|13|08|L|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|S|I know. 07|00|13|12|L|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|S|I know. 07|00|13|08|L|Q| 07|00|13|04|L|Q| 08|00|13|44|R|Q| 09|00|13|44|R|Q| 10|00|13|44|R|Q| 11|00|13|44|R|Q| 12|00|13|44|R|Q| 13|00|13|44|R|Q| 14|00|13|44|R|Q| 15|00|13|44|R|Q| 16|00|13|44|R|Q| 17|00|13|44|R|Q| 18|00|13|44|R|Q| 19|00|13|44|R|Q| 20|00|13|44|R|Q| 21|00|13|44|R|Q| 22|00|13|44|R|Q| 23|00|13|44|R|Q| 24|00|13|44|R|Q| 25|00|13|44|R|Q| 26|00|13|44|R|Q| 27|00|13|44|R|Q| 28|00|13|44|R|Q| 29|00|13|44|R|Q| 30|00|13|44|R|Q| 01|00|13|18|R|Q| 02|00|13|18|R|Q| 03|00|13|18|R|Q| 04|00|13|18|R|Q| 05|00|13|18|R|Q| 06|00|13|18|R|Q| 07|00|13|18|R|Q| 08|00|13|18|R|Q| 09|00|13|18|R|Q| 10|00|13|18|R|Q| 11|00|13|18|R|Q| 12|00|13|18|R|Q| 13|00|13|18|R|Q| 14|00|13|18|R|Q| 15|00|13|18|R|Q| 16|00|13|18|R|Q| 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 17|00|13|10|R|S|Not much to talk about up here,
is there? 17|00|13|04|R|Q| 18|00|13|04|L|Q| 18|00|13|10|L|Q| 18|00|13|04|L|S|I know. 19|00|13|18|R|Q| 20|00|13|18|R|Q| 21|00|13|18|R|Q| 22|00|13|18|R|Q| 23|00|13|18|R|Q| 24|00|13|18|R|Q| 25|00|13|18|R|Q| 26|00|13|18|R|Q| 27|00|13|18|R|Q| 28|00|13|18|R|Q| 29|00|13|18|R|Q| 30|00|13|18|R|Q| 01|00|13|08|R|Q| 02|00|13|08|R|Q| 03|00|13|08|R|Q| 04|00|13|08|R|Q| 05|00|13|08|R|Q| 06|00|13|08|R|Q| 07|00|13|08|R|Q| 08|00|13|08|R|Q| 09|00|13|08|R|Q| 10|00|13|08|R|Q| 11|00|13|08|R|Q| 12|00|13|08|R|Q| 13|00|13|08|R|Q| 14|00|13|08|R|Q| 15|00|13|08|R|Q| 16|00|13|08|R|Q| 17|00|13|08|R|Q| 18|00|13|08|R|Q| 19|00|13|08|R|Q| 20|00|13|08|R|Q| 21|00|13|08|R|Q| 22|00|13|08|R|Q| 23|00|13|08|R|Q| 24|00|13|08|R|Q| 25|00|13|08|R|Q| 26|00|13|08|R|Q| 27|00|13|08|R|Q| 28|00|13|08|R|Q| 29|00|13|08|R|Q| 30|00|13|08|R|Q|